Which of These is a Real College?
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Selection Sunday was very exciting this year, as it is every year, because it is my annual reminder that there are a staggering number of colleges and universities I have never heard of before and am not entirely sure are real. That means it’s time we play a round of America’s favorite game show: Which of These is a Real College?
The rules are really quite simple. I will give you a name and a bit of background on four schools. One is a real college that made the 2025 NCAA men's basketball tournament and the others I’ve completely made up.
School 1: Mount Rushmore State
Located in Rapid City, South Dakota, Mount Rushmore State was originally Rapid City College of Mines & Technology before choosing to rename itself after the nearby monument in 1941. Despite it’s cheesy name, it’s an excellent school. U.S. News & World Report notes it has the highest 4-year graduation rate amongst regional colleges in the upper midwest. By contrast, their basketball program is considered extremely poor even by Summit League standards, and it’s only thanks to an extremely hot-from-beyond-the-arc tandem of guards that they were able to secure a bid by winning the conference tournament.
School 2: Terre Haute Tech
Terre Haute Tech is the newest member of the Ohio Valley Conference, having recently reclassified to Division I. They’re led by a seven-foot center who went overlooked by Indiana and Purdue due to his complete and utter lack of a three-point shot. The school is considered the second-best engineering college in Indiana, but is the educational crown jewel of Terre Haute, a city otherwise only known for being home the US federal death row and being the birthplace of Eugene V. Debs, America’s second most notable socialist.
School 3: High Point University
The North Carolina-based High Point University is celebrating its first Division I tournament appearance ever; the basketball program’s won 14 games in a row and are looking to make it 15. It is also celebrating being named the “#1 Best-Run College in the Nation” by The Princeton Review and recently receiving a $32 million gift from the Rick and Angie Workman Foundation to establish a new dental school. They’re going to call it “The Workman School of Dental Medicine,” which is only slightly more inspiring than the “The I Guess That’s Good Enough School of Dental Medicine.”
School 4: Swishbickler University
This New Jersey college is particularly odd in that, for most of its history, it only accepted students if they’d gone to boarding school. It was a peculiar piece of the charter, something demanded by the eccentric 20th century millionaire who ceded a portion of his estate for the formation of an institution of higher knowledge. Since abandoning this tradition, the school has grown considerably and is set to become a major player in the American East Conference. Head man Anthony Malignaggi is likely to be a highly sought after commodity in next year’s coaching carousel if not this year’s.
THE ANSWER!
Of these four schools the only real one is…
Drum roll please…
brumuumumumumumumumuummmmmmmmmmmm…
HIGH POINT UNIVERSITY!
Congratulations to them on their first ever tournament bid and their brand new and perfectly named dental school!