The Problem of White Sox

Christianity, Ancient Greek Philosophy, and the *WORST* Team in Baseball

The problem of evil is Christianity’s biggest bane. How can there be an all-powerful, benevolent God when there is so much evil and suffering amongst His creation? The philosophical conundrum was probably best put by Epicurus, who philosophized 300 years before the religion was established.

Most people say Aristotle and Plato were the best to ever play the Greek philosophy game, but Epicurus is criminally underrated. Sure, Aristotle and Plato won a lot of championships and put up some impressive numbers, but Epicurus was no slouch. The only reason he’s never brought up in conversations about “the greats” is because of bad PR. He’s basically the Isiah Thomas of philosophy.

But I digress. Epicurus’s framing of the problem of evil goes like this: “Is God willing to make the White Sox good, but not able? Then he is not omnipotente. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then how bad can the White Sox get?”

The new Pope is a confirmed White Sox fan. He was caught on camera at Game 1 of the 2005 World Series. Attendees of Chicago White Sox games are showing up to games in pope costumes. The White Sox organization is embracing their most famous fan by installing a graphic installation near his World Series seat.

I expect Pope Leo is spending at least some time in his prayers asking The Man Upstairs to look out for the White Sox, a team that has been competing with the Colorado Rockies to see who can be the biggest laughingstock in baseball. The White Sox set the record for most losses in a single season last year, going 41-121 to cement the 2024 squad as the worst team to ever do it, narrowly beating out the 1962 New York Mets’ and their 40-120-1 record.

This gives us the unique opportunity to see if the power of prayer actually impacts the performance of a baseball team.

Since being anointed Pope on May 8, the White Sox are 4-4. In the eight games before we got Chicago Pope, the White Sox went 3-5. A one-game improvement is small but nevertheless an improvement. Still, the sample size is not nearly large enough to assess whether or not the Pope’s prayers are making a difference.

I would be saying that even if they were 8-0 since May 8. The White Sox played over 19,000 games before Chicago Pope became the direct phone line to The Man Upstairs, so I’m not sure when we’ll even be able to begin measuring the impact of his pontiff on the Chicago White Sox. It’s going to take at least 10 seasons before I’ll feel comfortable trying to extrapolate any meaningful conclusions.

Another sticky problem with this experiment is that it’s possible, maybe even likely, that Pope Leo hasn’t brought up the Chicago White Sox to The Man Upstairs yet. While the Catholic God is an omnipotent being who exists outside the bounds of space and time, the Pope is a mere mortal and, as a man of character, will likely have chosen to conserve his prayer energy for important things outside of his petty desires, things like the suffering of the poor, the sick, and the insane (i.e.: Boston sports fans).

Perhaps Pope Leo thinks he does not have to pray for the White Sox. I am no biblical scholar, but I’m pretty sure Jesus said the meek shall inherit the Earth. The AL Central is part of the Earth, and the Chicago White Sox are pretty frigin’ meek, so if the bible is to be believed, there is hope for them yet.

At any rate, if by some struck of luck I were granted an audience with the Pope, I would ask him about his love for a baseball team that is so incredibly bad. I suspect that we would both agree it is better to root for a loser than a winner because the journey from bottom dweller to champion is such a satisfying narrative arc, and that victories hard fought are sweeter than the victories that come easy. Then he’d ask me to pray with him and I’d burst into flames.