I had three wisdom teeth removed on Friday, September 19. My dad flew into Los Angeles to help me through the weekend. I was high on painkillers the entire time Michigan played Nebraska the following day.
It was a uniquely blissful experience. The game was tight even though the Wolverines were winning in the trenches. Some of this was because of good execution, some of it was because every member of Nebraska’s front-seven is undersized by about twenty pounds. Michigan ultimately won in what may be the most the-score-makes-it-look-much-closer-than-it-actually-was type of game ever played, and My dad gnashed his teeth and made the Rust Belt Dad Grunt of Displeasure after every missed tackle and blocking assignment. I did not react much beyond trying to give him slopily coordinated high-fives. I was zen’d out, my brain overflowing with dopamine courtesy of hydrocodone.
Being zooted out of your mind is the only way a Penn State fan could be feeling something other than misery and despair after their loss this Saturday to Oregon. Which is why the angiest team of the week is undoubtedly—
PENN STATE
Rankings of Note: Entered the week #2 in the AP Poll and in SP+.
Recent History: Lost in overtime to the #6 Oregon Ducks this past weekend. Otherwise horrifying the state of Pennsylvania in new and innovative ways since 2011.
Fanbase Angst Level: 10,000,000,000 out of 10 (Baseline 5, +9,999,999,995 for THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE YEAR!!!!)
Penn State fans can relax about: One loss no longer means you’re not in contention for the national title.
Penn State fans should angst about: They are probably not going to win the national title.
Penn State’s next game: Penn State travels to Pasadena to take on UCLA’s performance art project masquerading as a football program.
James Franklin has been the head coach of the Penn State Football Nittany Lions since 2015. In that time, Penn State has gone 1-15 against top-5 opponents, 4-21 against top-10 opponents, and 15-30 against top-25 opponents.
That lone top-5 win came almost ten years ago. It was against an Ohio State’s 2016 team, ranked second in the polls at the time. The was impressive only in its improbability; it required a blocked field goal returned for a touchdown. Penn State would go on to win the Big Ten title that year. They would also lose the Rose Bowl to a top-10 USC.
On paper, if there was ever a year Penn State would get the can’t-win-the-big-game monkey off their back, it was this year. Of the clown car of teams in the Big Ten, they had entered the year with the fewest question marks. They returned a four-year starting quarterback, a pair of highly touted running backs, and a loaded defense. The only thing observers were concerned was the certainty that the sun rises in the east, the moon controls the tides, and James Franklin can’t win big games.
Part of the problem is the style of play. Franklin’s best Penn State teams took the field in 2016 and 2017, and were powered by explosive spread offenses coordinated by Joe Moorehead. After Moorehead left, they attempted to retain the same identity with mixed results. Now that defenses have caught up with the spread revolution, Penn State’s abandoned a powerful passing attack and lost its breakaway running game. They are a 21st-century smashmouth offense with some spread pretensions. They pair this with a very difficult-to-move defense.
This is a recipe for success on paper, but in practice it makes every big game feel like you’re watching the GEICO Cavemen bonk one another over the head for three hours. It’s funny at first, but then it gets boring, then weird, then sad, then it’s over, and the other guys have obstinately won, but you can’t help but feel like everybody lost.
The big-time losses and the uneasy feelings around the program make James Franklin’s continued tenure questionable at best and untenable at worst. The Penn State program’s output has been adequate but not superb. Historically, football coaches who fit this profile are fired or “retire” after a 10 to 15 year stint. Franklin’s on year 12.
The problem Penn State faces is that Franklin has a $58 million buyout. In other words, the athletic department would have to pay him the budget of Rambo III to have him not coach their team. Even then, the question becomes who you go to next. I could see him landing at Florida or UCLA. But there are no obvious hires out there for Penn State. It would be a gamble, whoever it is, meaning the narrative arc for the fanbase would go something like this:
Excitement and spite-filled jubilee as James Franklin packs up his office
Trepidation and nervousness when an unproven successor is hired
Anger when the team remains good but not great
But it’s a moot point even imagining it. Penn State is not firing James Franklin and James Franklin is (probably) not leaving. Penn State will remain in the good-but-not-great limbo for the foreseeable future. They must embrace this. It is better to have nine to eleven good weekends than have your mellow harshed by multiple losses. If that isn’t your speed, might I suggest an addiction to prescription painkillers?