Do Football Video Games Have It Out for You?

They Do Not (OR DO THEY?!)

Electronic Arts released new editions of Madden and its college football equivalent, imaginatively called—I hope you’re sitting down for this—College Football, which means people are now complaining about them on the internet.

A point of contention is whether or not the game “scripts” events to make the game more challenging for the player. That is, the game’s programming predetermines the outcomes of plays and there is nothing you, as the player ostensibly in control of a team, can do to alter the result. The typical complaint is that the game “scripts” comebacks, allowing the computer-controlled team to suddenly start scoring points when down multiple touchdowns in the fourth quarter.

To boil it down, the complaint some users are lodging is that the game is rigged against them.

The evidence for this conspiracy consists entirely of players going online and posting (poorly) written narratives. Take this excerpt from a 492-word Reddit post:

I’m ranked 5 and I just played 4 Clemson. A friend was watching me play and about 1/2 way through Q2. I told him “I bet I can call the rest of the game. It’s going to go to overtime and I’ll lose a 2pt conversion”.

Sure enough. Q4 comes and Up by 7 need a first down to ice the game… 3rd and 1. Only holding call of the game. Need to kick a FG. They have 1:04 left no timeouts. Out loud I say “Watch they are going to quickly get to about my 35-40, then have bad 1st down, bad 2nd down, convert on 3rd or 4th so I have no time left.” Exactly what happened. Clockwork.

OT comes. My 97 WR drops a wide open pass to win the game. Only drop by my team all game. I hold them to 4th down… QB draw and he breaks 2 tackles to score.

Finally lose the game in 4OT.

Others observe inconsistency and suggest this is indicative of something wrong with the video game.

There's some games where the cpu covers recievers perfectly and they d-line gets consistent insta-shed animations and its almost impossible to win without cheesing and there's other games the cpu doesn't shed a block and recievers are running wide open. The ovr of the opponents can be simmular and you get totally different games week to week. It's definitely scripted to some degree.

If these folks took a step back, they’d realize what they’re actually observing is that the video game is, in large part, just a random number generator influenced by the real-life performance of various football organizations. Sometimes those numbers will be in your favor. Sometimes they will not be in your favor. C'est la vie, es lo que hay, so it goes.

But that’s just what they want you to think.

The reality is darker than anyone could ever imagine.

I learned the truth because I’ve been hitting the pavement, doing that hard-hitting, gumshoe, investigative reporting that modern newspapers just don’t do anymore. I’ve been talking to sources in parking garages, picking up dead drops left for me beneath a bridge in a bad part of town, swerving through traffic to lose the guys tailing me. Serious Parallax View shit.

I’ve contacted every major publisher. Nobody wants this story. They don’t believe it. They say it sounds like the ramblings of a schizophrenic, or an excuse to introduce a Lemony Snicket-inspired framing device into this writing project.

But I know you, the readership of this blog, will understand this isn’t a bit or a stupid gimmick.

Here comes the truth.

Every time the video game does something you think is unfair, it’s Connor Stallions.

That’s right. The Michigan Football Sign Stealer Guy is actually in command of all supposedly “computer-controlled opponents.”

He is currently strapped into a Matrix-esque pod connected to a series of computer servers. His brain is analyzing the thousands and thousands of virtual football games played each day and sending instructions to the CPU of your PlayStation. He knows what play you are going to call before you do.

Call quarters coverage and then swap it out into cover 3? He knew you were going to do that, which is why he’s going to run a pass that attacks the seams. Maybe you’re on offense and check into a run instead of passing the ball. He knew you were going to do that. He’s user-sticking the mike linebacker and is going to force a fumble. Whatever you do, don’t call curl flats because he’s going to make sure the box safety is going to tip the ball into the hands of the nearest cornerback.

I hear footsteps on the roof. A helicopter is circling. They’ve found me. They know I’m here. I must go now. The Electronic Arts security team is a crack group, but they’ll never take me alive.